my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
