I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
