K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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