I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
