Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
