my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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