like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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