Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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