I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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