I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
that is very illegal...i love you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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