Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
