I think I died a long time ago.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
