make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
