True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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