Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
