i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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