susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
