Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
