My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
