I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
