You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
