I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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