A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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