I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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