I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
