I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
