Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
