I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
