3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
