She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
