i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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