It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
