my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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