we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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