Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
