I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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