man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
