My hand turned me down
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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