just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
