Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
