He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
