Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
