I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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