Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
