This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
