This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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