VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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