he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
