My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So here I am, sexting at work.
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