i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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