he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
