I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
