are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
