I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
