I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
