when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The air taste purple.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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