How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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