I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This beer is not sobering me up at all
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
